


Orelstuck

by godlessAdversary



Series: Acceptance AU [15]
Category: Homestuck, Moral Orel
Genre: And a bit like Reverend Putty, F/M, Gamzee is like Coach Stopframe, John is like Orel, Juggalos, Kankri is like Ms. Censordoll, M/M, Moral Orel reference, Porrim is a bit like Stephanie, Trans Karkat Vantas, Warhammer 40K reference
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-18 16:03:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8167796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godlessAdversary/pseuds/godlessAdversary
Summary: Gamzee tries the same stupid idea as Coach Stopframe. Just like Orel, John is really innocent.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This part of the story happens before John and Rose break up. I will continue the JohnVris wedding story soon.

Gamzee’s POV:

“Oh Gee, this is my first time in an all adult party!” John said excitedly.

You convinced this motherfucker to join you to one gathering of your cult. You have heard that a human sacrifice can bring you the favor of the old gods, and John Egbert is the only person you can think that is still a virgin.

“This way, bro. the gathering will be in 420 of Miracle Street.”

This is one of the darkest places in Mapley Valley, with all this abandoned buildings and drug dealers hiding from the police.

“Are you sure this is a safe place, Gamzee?”

“Don’t be scared Egbro.” You put your arm around his shoulder. “I will keep you safe from any danger.”

You smile a big fake smile to keep the feeling of trust. Once this guy dies you will get Tavros to love you, and maybe get more weed. The entrance to the gathering is illuminated by purple neon lights in signs like “Whoop whoop!”. You knock the door, and a huge guy with a clown mask and purple robes comes out.

“Password.”

“Uh…” John looks at you confused.

“Whoop whoop!”

“Whoop whoop!”

“Uh… whoop whoop?”

“You can enter now, bros. There is pizza and cake in the table.”

After John enters, you approach the bouncer and ask him to guide you the leader of the gathering. You really can’t wait for the ritual to happen.

“Khorne, this is the Makara guy.”

“Oh, it is so good to meet you, motherfucker.” A guy with black robes and a scepter gives you a handshake. “Did you brought the virgin?”

“Yes, I did Bro.”

“Where is she?”

“I brought the guy with glasses over there.”

“What?! Dude, he seems too young, and we can’t have fun with a youngster again because of court orders.”

“What the fuck?!”

Before you could ask what is happening, the lights turn on in the place, and there are two guys with facepaint over a stage.

“Hello juggalos and juggalettes!” says the fat one. “We are ICP, and we are here make your night go whoop whoop!”

“Whoop whoop!” shouts everyone in the room.

The place is full of facepainted people that are consuming trash food, beer, weed, and having sex in almost closed places. Right now you are disturbed by all the ugly tits in display and the bad make up work.

“Dude, I thought we were going to make a ritual to the Mirthful Messiahs!”

“We are making a ritual to the Mirthful Messiahs. We are throwing a kickass party and invited Jay and Shaggy. Now relax and get your inner juggalo out. Nurgle over there can prepare a good mix of vodka and Faygo for you”

The supposed leader of the group takes his robe out and reveals a strange underwear that reminds you to Borat. That looks worst than your codpiece.

 

John’s POV:

“So you are still a virgin?” an almost naked woman with facepaint says while sitting on your lab.

“Yeah, I am keeping myself for my girlfriend.”

“What a lucky lady to have someone waiting for her.” Says another woman that has a Harley Quinn disguise. “She must be either really Christian or a lesbian.”

“I think she is an atheist, but I doubt she is a lesbian.”

“Oh, poor naïve boy. Let me show you something.”

Wow, this is the first time you have seen… Ok, you don’t know if Kanaya’s chest counts of boobs, but according to Jade you did watch boobs before. Wait... Oh shit.

“Look Slaneesh, he likes you!”

The Harley Quinn girl points at your crotch, and you fluster at that. Now that you think about it, does talking with hot girls count as infidelity?! You have to ask Jade about this!


	2. John learns what Pro Choice is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the last chapter, I was motivated to make more Orelstuck content for my acceptance AU. In this chapter, Kankri is TRIGGERED by the new Family Planning Clinic, and recruits John into his religious mob. After discovering what Kankri did, Jade teaches John the importance of women's reproductive rights.

Kankri’s POV:

“Wake up, people, there are babies being killed there!” you shout through a megaphone, and your group roars with heavely rage.

You feel good by helping spread the love of god in places where liberal policies are destroying innocent lives, and this time you have a group of people following you like the rightful leader you are.

“Hi, Professor Vantas!” says someone you haven’t seen in a year.

“John Egbert, from Saint Andrew! What a marvelous surprise to meet you here.”

“I was buying some baking supplies for my dad, but then I got distracted by the weird cardboards.”

He points at the cardboards depicting positive messages like “All babies want to be born!” or  “Murder isn’t a right.”

“Oh, my congregation decided to make a protest against this nepharious building where horrible things are made to babies!”

“What horrible things?”

John is shaking a bit, so you have been hooked up in your narrative.

“Pregnant women come here to ‘terminate’ their pregnancies AKA murder.”

“Oh Gee, that is really horrible! Why hasn’t anyone done anything to stop it?”

“That is why we are here, young Egbert. We do our civic duty of citizens by protesting against unfair laws. You can help us if you have time.”

“Well, my dad isn’t returning to the bakery until later, so I guess I can help.”

 

Your plan to indoctrinate the young Egbert went well, and now he is holding a cardboard and chanting with everyone else.

“Abortion paves a way to hell!”

Three women have ran away from here in the past few hours, so everything is working well. Suddenly, your phone rings and you answer.

“Hello?”

“Come to library. I am horny.”

“Dam, I can’t. I am in the middle of a protest.”

“You no like me?!”

Oh no, she is crying.

“Okay, I will see you there.”

“It isn’t if I like you or anything, Baka!”

“Oh well. John, you are in charge of the protest for the next hour. I have important work to do at the library.”

“Are you sure I can handle this, Mr. Vantas?”

“I trust you John.”

Now you are fantasizing about grasping Damara’s ass for the next hour.

 

John’s POV:

“So, anyone here watches any Nick Cage movies?” you ask the crowd.

“Does Ghost Rider count?”

“John, what are you doing here?!” Jade screams a few meters away from you. She is approaching furiously.

“Hi Jade! I am participating in a civic protest, just like the ones you go to fight for human rights.”

“John, this is the opposite of what I protest for!”

Jade takes you by your ear and pulls you away while everyone calls her names like “comie”, “PC bitch”, or “tomboy”.

“Auch, Jade! I was just helping Mr. Vantas protest for the rights of babies!”

“Kankri Vantas!”

 

Kankri’s POV:

“Oh glory! Oh glory! Oh glory!”

“Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!”

“Am I interrupting something?”

You turn around and see Ms. Rose Lalonde giving you a disapproval glare. Damara accommodates her skirt, and you put everything again inside your pants without Lalonde seeing.

“I would normally be angry at the bad treatment of our local library studying rooms, but I am more angry at the fact that you indoctrinated my boyfriend for your Pro Life propaganda.”

“You have nothing against me, Lalonde. Every action I have taken is protected by the free speech laws, and John has done everything by his will.”

“Tell you what. I won’t reveal on the internet this photos of you having sex in public property if you don’t give up your fanatic antics at the Family Planning Clinic.”

Damara is giggling at you, and you can’t contain how much anger is boiling inside you.

“Fine. You win this time, Lalonde. Come on Damara, I bet we can continue in my office.”

“Me have work. See you later.” Damara walks away while holding her middle finger at you. You turn around and see Rose wiggling her eyebrows. Liberals are annoying.

 

John’s POV:

“So, it is a woman’s right to have an abortion?” you ask Jade, who is sitting next to you in your bed.

“Yes, John. The body of a woman is her own and no one can tell her what to do about it.”

“But… what about the life of the baby? Doesn’t it deserve the same dignity as the woman?”

“Well, that is a complex moral debate. Some women do use abortion as a commodity instead of responsibility, but it really is only up to them. Abortions are only available in the first months, when the nervous system is still not made, so it is only a fetus and not a full grown baby.”

“So, is it a good or bad thing?”

“I think it is a gray area. It depends on many things, like, what if the woman was raped? Or what if the fetus is revealed to be malformed? Or what if the woman is a kid and can’t maintain another kid? We really can’t judge other people mistakes and circumstances in this topic. There is also adoption as an alternative, but it requires the woman to go through the whole nine months. Do you understand know, little brother?”

“I guess, but it is still sad.”

“Well, life is made of good, bad and absurd stuff, John.”

 

The next day.

Alexander Hamilton High School.

Jade’s POV:

“Jade!” Karkat is screaming your name from farthest part of the main hall.

“What’s up, fuckass?”

“I have no time for your early insults. My brother has recruited John again!”

“What?!”

 

Maple Valley’s First Protestant Church.

You enter a church for the first time in your life, and with the help of Karkat reach the room where John is.

“John, I thought I taught you about why it was wrong to protest.”

“Oh, hi Jade. I did understood, but I still feel unconfortable with abortions.”

“Why you little…?!”

“Wait,” you cover from any potential sisterly slap. “I did learned that harassing people and forcing them isn’t good. So instead of being violent, I convinced the mob to do what Jesus taught us about turning the other cheek. Can I show you?”

You are a little bit angry at John, but accept anyway.

“Ok, fine.”

“Good. Hey Gary, start from the beginning.”

The guy named Gary started playing an acoustic guitar, and after a bit of rhythm John followed with a catchy organ tune. It was mostly a harmless Christian song, and it was really catchy. After the song stopped, you applauded to them, and John return to talk to you.

“I can’t believe you made the mob be a church band!”

“We are going to play at the park this weekend in a charity for Saint Augustin’s Hospital. I even get permission to make one of the rooms of the church a place for pregnant teenagers to get food and shelter. It was hard to get Kankri’s permission, but somehow he accepted.”

You have to thank Rose for keeping John safe. She is a master at black mailing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I don't offend anyone. I am an atheist, and I am pro choice, but like John here the concept of abortion feels horrible. I have learned that you can't judge the harsh decisions some people have to make, but that shouldn't stop people from helping. The universe is such an absurd place.


	3. Porrim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I based this chapter from the episode The Blessed Union from Moral Orel. The difference here is that Porrim has a more tragic story than Stephanie.

Years ago but not so many.

Porrim’s POV:

Working as a clerk in a sex shop isn’t your idea of a good summer job, but it helps your mom with all the bills. That jerkass of your male progenitor didn’t leave any cent. As always, Cronus comes here every afternoon to try to flirt with you.

“Sup, babe?”

“Cronus, I am not your ‘babe’. And seriously, what’s up with that shirt?”

“Ah, good that you noticed. I am trying to modify my geeky wardrobe and look as handsome as a navy man. It lets the ladies see my muscles. Wanna touch them?”

“No thanks. Listen, Handsome Jack, I have told you I am a lesbian.”

“C’mon! That is what all women say when they don’t want to date me!”

He leaves the place angry, and you smile with glee. As soon as Cronus leaves, the door opens, but you don’t pay attention to who is entering.

“Uh, hello miss.”

You look down from your fashion magazine and see a kid with squared glasses. He must be Kanaya’s age (13 years old), and he is wearing a Ghostbusters shirt.

“Can I help you with something?”

“Yeah, I need to know what girls like so I can make my best friend my wife.”

You want to but say “aww” and “don’t objectify women!”, but you choose to play along.

“So, what does your friend look like?”

“Oh, she is really pretty. She has blonde hair, and wears black lipstick just like you, so I saw you and thought about her. Oh, and she likes dark clothing and scarfs.”

“Sounds like a hardcore girl. Listen kid, she is probably way out of your league.”

“Oh.” He looks at the floor like if he lost something.

“But… if you approach her and break the ice, maybe you can get your hopes up. Try to say small compliments, and then make some innocent joke. Puns are accepted.”

“Wow, really? Is that all that is needed to make Rose my wife?”

“Don’t try to go that far, kid. You shouldn’t think that just because you like a girl they have to be your wife. You have to respect her as a person.”

“Oh gee, I didn’t thought about that. Thanks miss! I am John, by the way.”

“I am porrim.”

 

The next day.

“I am telling you Porrim, you could make more money if you go to the Christian shop in downtown.” Kankri rants while you pretend to listen and hear through one ear some indei music from your iPod. “Are you even listening, Porrim?”

“Yeah, sure. Go Jesus.”

You take a sip from yoru coffee and check out the new catalogue of Victoria Secret. The door opens, and this time there is someone you never thought you will see. You almost spill your coffee after having an almost panic attack.

“Nice store.” The man in the violet jacket says.

He looks at some of the products in an aisle, and takes a pair of handcuffs and some BSDM equipment.

“How much?”

You can’t speak, but you know that by his talking he doesn’t recognize you. You now have a long hair, piercings and tattoos.

“Uh… 50 dollars.”

“Cheap. I like it. Hey, you remind me of my ex wife.”  His double scared face is more disturbing now than years ago. “That bitch threatened me with a turkey saw, but she was really good in bed.”

He throws his money over the reception table and gets out like if nothing happened.

“Porrim, are you okay?” Kankri asks.

“Leave.”

“What?”

“Leave!” you roar and Kankri rans away to avoid your raging stare.

Now you just fall to the floor and hide behind the reception table, trying to breath while your tears flow and ruin your makeup.

“Miss Porrim? Are you here?”

You hear John’s voice and decide to stand up.

“Were you crying?”

“… I was just feeling sad because of my period. It happens to girls, so better be careful from us in those days, boy.”

“Uh, I just wanted to thank you for your advice. I even got a kiss on cheek by her, look!”

There is a black lipstick kiss on his face, and you giggle because that is one cute thing.

“You are such a sweetheart, John. Why are you asking me for advice and not your mom?”

“Well… I don’t have a mom.”

You fucked up, Porrim.

“It’s okay, Miss. She is with God now, so she must be there keeping an eye on my dad and I.”

You take John by his shoulders and look at him directly.

“Listen to me, John. Be a gentleman to every woman, and don’t expect anything in exchange. You can be a good guy. Promise me you will.”

“I promise!” He says cheerfully, and you smile.

“Anyway, I have to go home now, see you soon!” he walks away, but then turns around. “I forgot to say, you should marry a nice guy soon. You would be a great mom.”

Why did head to say that? Why? You are a lesbian, and you don’t find affinity with motherhood… but somehow… damn it, this kid is so innocent! You need a new piercing soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Dualscar is the father of Porrim and Kanaya. More will be explained later.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I used Warhammer 40K names in this story.


End file.
